“Henry's Dad saved Mollie’s Granny's life”, my nephew bellowed with glee. Henry's Dad, Michael, is a surgeon and Mollie’s Gran needed an urgent operation to avert significant consequences.
Coincidentally, on the same morning, I had retested a client and had been delighted to find that they could now complete one full sit-up. Six weeks earlier, they couldn't do any. That’s better than a hundred percent improvement! Well, at least it is in my opinion. Or, at the very least, it’s neck and neck in comparison to Micheal's endeavours. I’ve always been fairly happy with my role in life. The Michaels of the world give theirs, and I give mine. I’ve never been one to try and ‘punch above my weight’. Nevertheless, like many of us, I've caught myself engaging in comparisons with others and occasionally falling victim to the 'green-eyed monster'. Not the Hulk. As cool as that would be, it would take this blog in an entirely different direction.
What does all of this have to do with you?
‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ is never more apparent than when it relates to weight loss. Insights gained from clients over the past two decades have taught me that such comparisons can be detrimental to both the progress and the success of a health and fitness programme. “Cynthia has lost 4 stone, and she didn’t even set foot in a gym!”. Whenever we share what we are doing in our lives, we will always, almost inevitably, be faced with someone else's story. And, it always appears to be much better than ours. ‘Well, don’t tell anybody then!’ - the cynic in the corner cries. Perhaps, but this still doesn’t stop people from oversharing. And, in fact, sharing our journey with others has been shown as an effective way to help us achieve our goals. Research from The Ohio State University expands on this notion and suggests that we benefit most when we share with someone we deem as more successful than ourselves. Anyway, back to the blog.
Now, let's pivot. What if, instead of succumbing to comparison, we turned it into a catalyst? Imagine a realm where others' achievements are not threats but fuel for embracing our holistic fitness journeys. A world where we not only savour our own victories but wholeheartedly applaud others, recognising their triumphs as a testament to the possibilities within us.
How does this tie back to you? It's about realising that progress is intricate, a journey weaving physical, mental, and emotional threads. As a home personal trainer, I've witnessed transformations that transcend numbers on a scale. Clients dismantle not just physical barriers, but also the mental hurdles holding them back. It's easy to fall prey to the comparison trap, believing others' paths are superior. However, every journey is a tapestry woven from experiences, challenges, and triumphs unique to each person. The individual who sheds weight without the gym may have embraced a different approach, but that doesn't undermine the power of your efforts or affect the momentum of your journey.
A study conducted by the Tilberg Institute in the Netherlands concluded that jealousy can actually be a useful emotion that can help motivate us, and ultimately succeed. There is a caveat - only if we have a positive view of ourselves. Researchers called such feeling ‘benign jealously’ as opposed to ‘malicious jealously’. Another interesting point from this research, that relates directly to our topic is that we should always ‘check the facts!’. Psychologists at the institute stated that we often blow the context of our jealousy out of proportion, usually in favour of the ‘competitor’. Our Cynthia actually lost one stone, it took her two years, and she also jogs every other morning.
Get set!
Inspired by both researcher insights and my own personal encounters, I've created a quintet of tips that I believe can serve as a compass in our quest to tame the "GEM" – the green-eyed monster, which, I must emphasise, is entirely unrelated to my wife, Gem. On a side note, I would never dare to cross paths with 'my' Gem, as the consequences could very well steer this blog back into the realm of the Hulk, something I would very much like to avoid.
Go!
1) Embrace Personal Progress: The anecdote of the client's improvement from not being able to perform a sit-up to achieving one in just six weeks showcases the power of personal progress. This teaches us to celebrate our own achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Our most significant adversary is within ourselves.
What can you do? Set small, achievable goals and track your progress regularly, celebrating each milestone to build self-confidence and motivation.
2) Celebrate Others' Success: Instead of letting envy rule our emotions, research suggests a mindset shift to celebrate others' achievements. This not only fosters a positive outlook but also acknowledges the potential within us all.
What can you do? Practice a Loving Kindness meditation, originating from the Siddhartha Gautama's early discourse, the Metta Sutta. Actively showing compassion to others, while channeling that positive energy towards yourself, can reduce comparison jealousy, and improve self-reassurance and life satisfaction, research has shown.
3) Personal Progress Is Multi-dimensional: Recognising that progress isn't just about physical changes but also includes mental and emotional growth helps us understand the complexity of our development.
What can you do? Create a holistic development plan that includes not only physical goals but also mental and emotional growth strategies, fostering a well-rounded sense of accomplishment.
4) Benign Jealousy as Motivation: The study from the Tilburg Institute adds a twist by suggesting that jealousy if used positively and in the right context, can actually motivate us. It emphasises the importance of a positive self-view in harnessing such motivation.
What can you do? When you feel jealousy, identify the specific aspect that triggers it and use it as a benchmark for your own improvement, turning envy into a positive catalyst for self-improvement.
5) Mindset Matters: This entire blog underscores the importance of having a healthy mindset when it comes to personal progress, comparison, and jealousy. A positive and balanced perspective can make a significant difference in our well-being and progress.
What can you do? Cultivate a growth mindset by focusing on your own journey, practising self-compassion, and reframing challenges as opportunities for growth, leading to greater overall well-being and progress.
In conclusion, research affirms the importance of recognising our progress, managing comparisons, and maybe even using emotions like jealousy as motivational tools. This teaches us to celebrate not only our own accomplishments but also the successes of others while maintaining a positive and realistic self-view. These lessons can be applied not only in the context of personal growth and well-being but also across diverse aspects of life.
Note to self... Everyone's journey is unique and valuable. Focus on your individual path rather than trying to match someone else's. This is the key to finding fulfillment and success.
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